Angel From Montgomery

2 Jan

The other day I was on the couch listening to Deja Vu and drinking Rolling Rock. I texted my father: “I am turning into my pops. Deja Vu on vinyl and Rolling Rock in hand.” Two days later I was at my grandmothers 90th birthday. She says to me: “I am just so happy to see you happy.” That’s my family: the most selfless people in the world. At my parents wedding they played “Teach the Children” for god sake.

The truth is I could never turn into my pops. I don’t have the strength. My dad has been married to the same unbelievable woman for 38 years. I was married to an equally amazing one: I couldn’t make it last five. My pops has changed the lives of kids in a way I cannot fathom. Students from 30 years ago still email him. I probably just show my students how not to act as an adult.

This isn’t a woe is me post though. It’s about how goddamn lucky I am to have the family I have. 2011 was no fun for the most part. Trying to figure out how to be my own man, work for assholes that don’t know shit about what’s right for kids, be single and cook and shit, and treat people right? This shouldn’t be so hard. But it was. In mid-march my parents talked me off the ledge. In June my brother saved me. A few weeks ago I went to a concert with my brother and remembered again how wonderful life can be with the right support.

My family are Saints. Not because they have all of them dedicated their lives to teaching, not because they are loyal to a fault, and not because they helped me through a goddamn mess of a year. Because I don’t know any other people that care so much about doing right by others as they do. Because they live and love and love. And don’t ask anything in return.

I learned something this year: the world does not revolve around me. 29 years and I honestly just learned this. Never going to be my pops. Can’t be. Never going to be a Pulitzer Prize winner. Not enough people out there as fucked up in the head as me. Never going to be the man I promised to be on July 15, 2006. Couldn’t be.

But 2012? I am going to kill shit. And not because of me. Because of the people who hold me up, and always have. Deja Vu on vinyl and Rolling Rocks. If that’s the closest I can get to my pops I am cool with that.

Carry On. 2012

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One Response to “Angel From Montgomery”

  1. Yo Mista January 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm #

    Buddy – this is a great reflection. Maybe it took you 29 years to realize it, but at least you did. Now make something of it.

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